One of my favorite movies is Parenthood. There are so many truths in it that really make me think about how I parent my own children.
And these lines are so, so true:
“lt’s because he was our first. l mean, l think we were very tense when Kevin was little. lf he got a scratch, we were hysterical.
By the third kid, you know, you let them juggle knives.”
It doesn’t mean, of course, that parents care less about the third child than they did about the first. It just means that by the time we’ve had several children, we’ve realized that we stressed too much with the first child. We worried about things when we shouldn’t have.
When my first daughter was a toddler, I couldn’t help but notice whether she was ahead or behind on her milestones. Despite knowing that children hit their milestones at different times, it worried me when I saw other children doing things she hadn’t mastered yet.
And it never helped when all of the other mothers constantly asked if she was crawling yet. Or walking yet. Or potty-trained yet.
Well, I take that back. It wasn’t all of the other mothers.
Just the ones who wanted a chance to brag that their children were already crawling and walking and potty-trained.
And it made me feel bad. Even though I knew I was a good mother.
So fast forward to today. Ten years later.
I’m a more laid-back mom. I eased up on the pressure to have perfect toddlers and learned to let my children reach milestones at their own pace.
I’ve learned so much over the last ten years and can look back now and see the things I’d change if I could. But despite knowing that I’m doing a lot of things better and that I’m a good mom, one thing is still hard to shake.
The Mommy Guilt.
When I raise my voice with the kids. When I go through a drive-through for dinner. When I let the kids use tech products for longer than I should over the weekend.
They head off to school on Monday mornings and when it’s quiet, I have time to reflect and think about things I wish I’d done differently. And sometimes judge myself.
But when Mommy Guilt happens, I try to remind myself why I shouldn’t let it bother me. I think of the good things I do for my kids and how well they’re taken care of. I remind myself that my kids are safe and loved and happy.
And that I’m doing a good job.
Instead of second-guessing my weekend parenting decisions on Mondays, I’m teaming up with The Sisterhood of Motherhood to celebrate #UniteMonday.
Every Monday, we can all share our stories and experiences without judgment – to support one another, in the sisterhood of motherhood.
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Disclosure: I’m a Sisterhood of Motherhood sponsored partner, but all opinions are my own.
Alyssa says
It’s so true! I already noticed with my second that I’m so much more relaxed! I definitely worry less and let a little more roll off my shoulders. But I hear you with the mommy guilt…especially with TV. Some days it feels like it’s on all day just so I can finally get some house cleaning done…insert mommy guilt.